10 September 2017

Things People Say: Tiresome Cliche Edition


Platitudes are irritating and unremarkable as a general rule, but some are just so bad, they deserve their own feature. Here's a sampling of the best. I mean, the worst.

1. "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence/You always want whatever you can't have." Sorry, but no. This is not only overly simplistic; it's inaccurate. If I want something, I desire it based on its perceived benefit to me, not on its relative scarcity. I can think of many, many things I don't have that I also don't want: Warts. Head lice. Food allergies. A pet tarantula. Turtleneck sweaters. Vermilion wallpaper. A mustache. Eyebrow piercings. A lifetime pass to the opera...

2. "There's no such thing as a coincidence." Considering that a coincidence is simply when two things happen at the same time, I doubt any intelligent person is seriously prepared to stand by this argument. The world is a big, busy place. There are always multiple myriads of things occurring simultaneously. What they probably mean is, "There's no such thing as a coincidence devoid of significance or divine purpose." Even this clarification doesn't solve everything, though, because then you've opened up the gallon-sized can of worms labeled Determinism -- basically, whether or not God micromanages all the details of our lives.

3. "Is your glass half full or half empty?" Wrong question. No glass is "half empty." Much like saying a dimly lit room is "half dark", you can't define something in the negative, by what it lacks. Not to mention that the half-full/half-empty dichotomy is an annoying and ill-fated attempt to put others into a box based on extremes caricatured from the likes of Pollyanna and Eeyore.

4. "It could be worse." The only place in the universe where things couldn't possibly be any worse, is in hell. So in terms of helpfulness and relevance, this one ranks right up there with statements like "Water is wet." The mere fact that it's true doesn't mean it adds to the conversation in any meaningful way.

5. "Money can't buy happiness." (Well, I can't say that poverty does much for happiness, either!) This statement is technically true, if you are presupposing that Happiness is something you find in a labeled container on a store shelf. But who actually believes that? No one, and that's why this saying rings so hollow. The glaringly obvious truth is that money can -- and, indeed, is the only thing that will -- buy things that contribute to happiness, such as a house that we can relax and rest in, food that affords us leisure and social time as well as nourishment, plane tickets to go on vacation or visit loved ones, and medical bills to eradicate or alleviate health issues. (And to all you dear, well-meaning folks out there who are fond of saying things like, "All I need to be happy is Jesus," or, even better, "Christians need joy, not happiness" -- a separate post is coming for you at a later date!)

6. "It is what it is." This is usually a cop-out, an excuse not to make a change that desperately needs to be made. It's better to ask, "Is this what it could be, or should be?" Then act accordingly.

7. "This too shall pass/It's temporary." Another cop-out. Often said to people who are exhausted, worn out by unfortunate circumstances or even just the general demands of life. Think new moms with a colicky infant, a chronic illness sufferer, or an under-employed worker or college student living hand to mouth. In almost every case, the innocent victim of this platitude is someone who could really benefit from a friend coming to their aid with practical help or wise advice. But hey, talk is cheap. It's easier and faster just to tell them to keep their chin up. But the next time you catch yourself saying "This too shall pass", remember the person on the receiving end could very well be thinking the same -- about you!

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