24 October 2017

To Stay Awake, Perchance to Get Work Done


People ask me if I'm an early bird or a night owl. I don't think I'm either one.

When I think early bird or morning person, the image that immediately comes to mind is one of a hardcore spartan who lives on granola and celery and gets up at sunrise every day to go on a 5-mile jog. Well, that's not me, exactly, which my worn-out snooze button would tell you if it could talk.

And when I think night owl, I think of my husband, who, if he didn't have a day job, would stay up most of the night and turn in at about the time that the jogger is getting up to go jogging. That's definitely not me either. No burning the midnight oil for me. I can burn the 10 p.m. oil or the 11 p.m. oil with the best of them, but sometime between midnight and 1 a.m., something mysterious happens. The oil suddenly runs out and I turn into a pumpkin. It's the darnedest thing. Happens every time.

But at least I can "rise and shine" in the morning without much of a fight, unlike most night owls, and I can stay up later in the evening than most morning people, so I guess it's nice to have that happy medium. "Early to bed, early to rise, makes one healthy and wealthy and wise", they say, but health, wealth, and wisdom don't have much to do with one's bedtime if you ask me. My mother's father rose every morning at 3 a.m. to milk his cows, and he was never wealthy a day in his life. Healthy, yes. Anytime he ate fruit, he ate the whole thing -- skins, seeds, pits, and all -- so, I mean, anybody whose fiber intake is that high can't help but be healthy. But wise? Well... he believed the earth was flat, and when asked who his favorite Bible character was, replied that he couldn't decide between his son-in-law or his pastor, because they were both such great Bible characters. So, you tell me.

Anyway, what I wish I was, but regrettably am not, is an "afternoon person."

The afternoon slump gets me really, really bad. It creeps up on me around 1 p.m. and subsides around six. Unfortunately, this time frame shares quite a bit of overlap with my work day.

I've followed all of Google's suggestions to remedy this problem, and still it persists. I've tried upping my caffeine intake. I've tried lowering my caffeine intake. I've tried cutting out carbs at lunchtime. I've tried doing cardio and skipping lunch altogether. None of it works. Mr. Sandman still pays me a visit every afternoon without fail.

Maybe I shouldn't fight it. Maybe those Latin American countries with their siestas are onto something.

Anyway, now, it's about 3 p.m., so I'm up way past my bedtime. Good night.

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