26 December 2017

The Things You Will *Really* Learn from a Dog

You've probably seen that list "Things We Can Learn from a Dog." It's full of suggestions like: "When loved ones come home, always run to greet them" and "Delight in the simple joy of a long walk" and "When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently."

Well, as charming as "Things We Can Learn from a Dog" is, anyone who's ever owned a dog themselves can tell you that this list doesn't cover the half of it. If we're going to be completely honest, the lessons our dogs would teach us if they could would be a lot less tidy and charming. Things like:

1. Scratching inappropriate places is totally okay at anytime, no matter who you're with.

2. When you meet someone new, circle them slowly and sniff their backside.

3. Assume your loved ones will always welcome your violation of their personal space at any time, for any reason.

4. Do whatever it takes to get attention, even if you have to be annoying.

5. Make sure everyone knows when you need to use the bathroom.

6. When you're happy, jump up and breathe heavily in your loved one's face.

7. No need to bathe more than once or twice a year.

8. Also, fresh breath is highly overrated.

9. When riding in the car, stick your head out the window and smile at passing motorists with your mouth wide open.

10. Make as much noise as you possibly can when the doorbell rings or when someone knocks, even if you already know who it is.

11. When looking around in the kitchen for a snack, remember that the trash can holds all kinds of tasty possibilities.

12. If you haven't gotten what you want, whine a little louder.

13. It's important to maintain good flexibility. You should be able to scratch the top of your head with your toes, or sleep with your chin resting on your ankles.

14. When you're tired, flop down wherever you happen to be and go to sleep.

15. When someone near you is eating something, stand as close to them as you possibly can, gaze at them expectantly, and lick your lips.

16. When someone is making food for you, drool to show your appreciation.

17. Always be hysterical with joy at the prospect of playing with a tennis ball.

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