03 January 2019

4 New Year's Resolutions I Didn't Make


I don't make New Year's resolutions.

There's good reason for this. People make the same New Year's resolutions year after year. If they actually kept them, the world would be full of skinny millionaires with immaculate houses living life to the fullest... amiright?

Here are a few common New Year's Resolutions that I absolutely, positively refuse to burden myself with:

1. Lose weight. There's no need to try to do the impossible, right? Especially when I still have Christmas chocolate mints from Trader Joe's lurking about. (Just kidding... sort of.)

2. Get organized. There's no such thing as "getting organized", in spite of what the home organization gurus tell you. The process of living in a space day in and day out means you're using your stuff. Using your stuff means it gets out of order, i.e., disorganized. Kind of like how you can't brush your teeth once and for all because it's something you're going to have to do over and over again.

(Why, yes, the spare room in my house is a mess right now. Why do you ask?)

3. Go to bed earlier. My body gets tired when it gets tired, and for as long as I can remember that's usually somewhere between eleven and midnight. It simply won't hear of being forced into bed earlier, and if it is, it will stubbornly remain awake until the time I'm used to going to bed. Sometimes it'll stay awake even later, just to be spiteful.

4. Keep a gratitude journal. All the women I know agree that this is a lovely idea, and none of us actually do it. (And it's always women -- men don't give a darn about gratitude journaling. Anybody else notice that?) For me, gratitude journals turn into obligation and guilt journals after only a day or two. I either end up writing silly stuff ("I'm thankful for Ziploc bags that have the little plastic zipper instead of the lines that you have to pinch together") or stuff that I'm not grateful for but know I should be ("I'm thankful my parking ticket was only fifty dollars instead of a hundred", etc.). Then I feel bad because I'm not really grateful. Somewhere around that time, I abandon the exercise altogether.

Anyway. Even so, I do believe in self-improvement, so here's what I'm doing differently this year. These aren't resolutions, exactly, because I'm not expecting to do them perfectly -- just trying to do them more often than not.

1. Get outside more. I'm solar-powered. Blame California, where the sun is always shining and it's always warm and never humid... sigh. Bad things happen when I'm cooped up indoors for too long.

2. Eat less sugar. This one's kind of a no-brainer. (Homemade honey and maple syrup are still always fair game, however!)

3. Ditch the clothes that aren't my color. Surprise, surprise -- not all colors look great on everybody. There are colors for warm skin-toned people and colors for cool skin-toned people. I have cool skin, which means I should wear lots of blue, green, and dark red -- all the colors I happen to like best anyway! This also means I no longer have to feel guilty about not holding onto that hot pink shirt that makes me look like I have the flu.

4. Give my brain a workout. Most people's resolutions have something to do with exercising their bodies, but nothing for exercising their brains. Well, your brain is a muscle too. Ok, not really; it's a giant pile of fat, or so I'm told. (I've never actually seen a brain, so I'm taking their word for it.) But "use it or lose it" applies to brains as well as muscles. I want my brain to last as long as I do, so I have to make sure it gets a workout, too. Maybe I'll take up learning Greek again. (I swear I could feel those new neural pathways being excavated.)

No comments:

Post a Comment